Baby steps, but I think I'm back on the train.
Promised myself I would go to the gym this morning, and like most promises that one was left broken and bleeding on the floor next to the bed. So I sat down in front of the computer but tried to keep the idea of riding my bike in the front of my mind. Same old story, if I can just GET OUT and DO IT I'll be back. I didn't want this day to go by without doing something or it would be another week of excuses.
So I sat there reading Twitter and goofing off, thinking about if I just put my bike back by the front door then that would be a teeny-tiny step. So I got up and moved my bike. Sat back down, and saw a new follower on Twitter. For some unknown reason it was another famous triathlete. I don't know why triathletes love to follow me on Twitter, possibly they don't know I'm a 42yr old fat mother just trying to get her act back together. But anyway. There he was. And I just thought... I need to get out there.
So I logged off and got on the bike.
I decided to take the new route I'd found which had more hills. Of course it started off with a major downhill run which I HATE on the bike - and no I still don't have a helmet, but I don't think it would even matter crashing at that speed. But eventually I got to the route, a lot of flat, a lot of little uphills, and on the way back a LOT of MAJOR uphills. I don't think I've ever panted or worked so hard to ride my bike before. I passed a little Vietnamese man watering his lawn as I gasped and panted my way up the hill in front of his house. He was watching me intently and I just prayed he didn't go inside to call 911.
I had my bike on the lowest set of gears, sets I've never even used before. But I kept going. Pant pant pant pump pump pump gasp gasp gasp. And I got to the top.
And then dooooooooownhillllllllllll again, hoping and praying I wouldn't crash...
And I didn't. But it was scary.
My legs felt fine, it wasn't so much a workout for them as it was for my heart and lungs. Which is FINE, actually it was the BEST, because feeling that air being forced in and out of my lungs, feeling my heart pound out of my chest, that is what I get addicted to.
Remember when you were a little kid and went out to recess where you ran and ran and ran and ran and ran until your lungs were raw when you came back into class? We never experience that as adults anymore. But when I work really hard I get that raw lung feeling and it feels GOOD, feels ALIVE. THAT is what is addicting. LIFE.
As hard as my body was pushed this morning, by the time I pulled my bike up my front walk I couldn't wait to get out and run again.
I'll see you at the gym tomorrow morning.