But in the meantime I've decided I better start doing something every day. Even walking. And as a runner, or former runner, I just can't stand the thought of walking, I feel like it's a cop out for me - not for other people, but for me.
But last night at the gym I ran for 10 minutes - I was hoping for 25 but I just couldn't do it. I hopped off and did all my weights, and decided to go back to the treadmill because I was pretty upset that I have been gaining a pound a week.
So I hopped on and started running, and was doing well for about five or seven minutes, and then I just couldn't do it. So I switched it to a walk, a 3.8 on the treadmill. And I walked and walked and walked while I watched TV, not paying much attention, and then I realized I had been walking for about 10 minutes but I still felt like I was in the middle of a hard workout. So I took my heart rate and it was 156. Which is pretty damn high for walking.
So goals are changing, well not the goal, but the means to the goal. If walking fast at 198 pounds is working out my heart that hard, then I'm not going to kill myself running for now, I'm going to walk hard and do my weights, and when I lose weight then I'll up the speed.
I don't feel like I'm copping out because my heart rate was certainly up, way up, so I was getting a work out. I ended up with 30 minutes total on the treadmill, and 3/4 circuit of weights (due to time constraints).
So since I have all these cool, pretty, comfortable track pants that I've been wearing to work, and since I still haven't gotten my doctor's note to go to the gym at work, I decided I'm going to do a brisk walk every day on my lunch. I can easily walk 2 miles in 30 minutes, every day, and if I add a brisk walk in the evening, that's an hour of exercise each day that - FINALLY - I actually have time for.
The weight will come off. Or at least I will get healthier. You can't do an hour of exercise every day, 2 days a week at the gym and a couple hours swimming each Saturday without getting in shape.
The worry: why am I gaining weight? I'm not eating any more now than before, so why is the weight continuing to go up? I don't believe I could have gained 3 pounds of muscle in a month, although it's possible, I don't think that's the case. So if the weight doesn't plateau and start dropping soon, or if my heart rate doesn't get better, then I'll have to make time for the doctor.
I'm not going to die early like Mom and Dad. I plan to live to my 90's and I'll do what I can to give myself that chance.
Edit add: We bought a BMI thingie the other day, and while I doubt its complete accuracy (it lists Spike - lean as a green bean - as "marginally overweight) it does give me a BMI of 44. Which is probably not that far off. I won't pay much attention to the exacts of it, but it will be good to chart a progress.
So as of today:
Weight: 198
BMI: 44