Also as usual, as soon as I stopped running, I lost the drive. I had to force myself to stop when it was time to write all my final papers, and it was really and truly difficult to stop. But I HAD to, I wanted to graduate with a clear conscience.
By the time I finished my very last paper, I was exhausted and actually felt like I had just given birth to all three papers. I was worn down, beat down, I just needed a recovery period.
Apparently I will never be able to take those recovery periods, because as soon as I stop, I just can't make myself start again. How many times over has this happened? Then the rains came, preventing me from even riding my beloved bike, then the freezing cold came. And everything went right out the window.
Those brand new jeans that I had already become too small for? They're tight again. Right away I could feel the weight creeping back on, but at first I was okay because I knew that when my papers were finished then I could go back to running. But without that drive, it all went away.
But FINALLY it's come back. I loved that episode SO MUCH today, I hated that nine people were going home but then I loved that some will be coming back. I loved every bit of it, especially Jillian screaming at the viewers in the very beginning.
I know that working from home contributes to my difficult time. It is very easy to just get up when the sun comes up and then decide if I want to work all day in my pajamas. I did it today. I do it just about every other day. Yeah, it's great working from home, but it's really difficult too. It takes away the structure, the schedule, the reason to take a shower in the morning.
So not only am I motivated again, I know that I have to make some other changes too. I need to force some structure into my life. I'm going to set the alarm for 6am every single day, get up and get into the shower. Then, as I had PLANNED to do, head straight to the gym after I drop my daughter off at school. Work my butt off (won't be hard once I actually GET there). Then come home and work - I start work at 11am. PLENTY of time to work myself to death at the gym. I don't mind wearing sweats or pajamas to work in as long as I was at the gym first.
I know I can do it, YOU know I can do it. The only ingredient always missing is the initial motivation. The lovely Jillian Michaels and all those beautifully gigantic Biggest Loser contestants provided that ingredient tonight.
Of course, as with all good intentions, tomorrow I start work at 8am, so there can't be any gym in the morning. But I get off at 2pm, in time to collect my daughter and bring her to the gym with me. So we'll get that workout in no matter what. If I truly do adhere to my new scheduled plans then I can take Wednesdays off for healing. But for tomorrow, I HAVE to go.
My daughter bought me a scale for Christmas. It seems to have a +/- of 2-3 pounds depending on how I stand, but it's good enough to track my day to day weight, and I'll use the gym scale for my official weight.
So. According to my bathroom scale we're right back at 215.
Welcome to the Biggest Loser, Blogger Style.