I can see that it was the depression, but I don't (always) understand why it hits. I don't understand why 3 days with no gym is always the death to the gym magnet. 3 days on the couch and the couch comes out victorious. I haven't been busy, I've just not been at the gym.
And without the gym all the other problems are coming back. I'm wide awake at 1am again. I'm going without showers or getting dressed for the day. I'm crabby. I'm eating like a pig. I'm drinking way more coffee than water. I'm not feeling any desire for sex, I feel ugly again, I feel invisible.
And I know for a fact that I haven't even gained it all back. My newly sized clothes still fit me, although not as loose as they did 2 weeks ago. I would guess I've gained 5-10 pounds back. Ten pounds put back on would suck.
I'm thinking about making some signs for myself. Like some lists. "Why I want to be in shape" lists. For instance:
1. So I can look good at interviews
2. So I can look good in dresses
3. So I can wear high heels and look hot
4. So it's more fun having sex
5. So I feel comfortable around people again
etc.
I go to Aptos tomorrow so I won't have access to the gym until Sunday at least. And with the couch magnet in full effect I doubt I'll get to the gym that day.
Maybe Monday. Always on Monday. We'll see.
We've got to get this train back on the tracks.